Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Laughs Abound

Austin, Texas — Governor Perry Promises Changes

In starting his campaign for the Republican nomination, Governor Rick Perry has railed against the unnecessary use of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and promised to change things.

“We don’t need these silly rules from the EPA that kill jobs,” said Smoky Stacks, a campaign aid. “Imagine — rules that stop a darn good right businessman from sending factory waste into the air.”

Last year the Governor approved through a fast track process the building of eleven new coal power plant units. It was a move that Stacks claimed was needed because coal is being thought of as an evil pollution.

The governor doesn’t fully accept Global Warming, stating recently that he never saw oxygen so he’s not certain it exists. “Carbon could be another gimmick from those Liberal scientists,” said Seymour Fox. “Who ever heard of footprints affecting the sky?”

Those around the governor were suggesting that maybe oxygen was a Liberal idea to help sales for oxygen tank companies in healthcare and the scuba equipment people. “People are healed in hospitals because the mask gives the patient comfort, not because of some fool gas,” Fox said.

The governor also hopes to speed up hydraulic fracting. But his words in a small Texas village were interrupted repeatedly from people with coughs. He stated that he knew of no examples of groundwater being affected by chemicals.

His address was shortened when a watermain burst, spewing yellow-greenish acids. “We’ve always had acids in the ground,” said Sy Nide, an environmental advisor to the governor.

Governor Perry appeared holding a six-shooter to show his independence from Washington. “He’s from the state that prided itself on the Alamo,” said D. Crockett, his foreign advisor. “The governor hasn’t had too much foreign knowledge, but he’s from the Lone Star State, so we know how to go it alone — we don’t need those foreigners in Europe, Asia or Washington telling us how to run our lives.”

The governor did pride himself on learning about other countries since Texas shares a wide border with Mexico. “The governor even learned how to eat a Taco,” Crockett said. “He picked it up quickly. You don’t BBQ it.”

As president, Governor Perry promises to unleash a new building code for Washington DC. “Government buildings should be in ranch-style houses, spread out over the entire Maryland area,” said Wily Spurs, a housing expert. “that way, politicians would not be crowded together around the Beltway — after all, Americans are Cowboys at heart.”

- Tom Pope

Photo from www.geography.hunter.cuny.edu

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