Sunday, March 28, 2010

Laughs Abound

Senate Charges Public Extra

Washington DC —

New laws allowing utility companies to charge residents for wind turbine use has passed the Senate because of the newest corporate senators selected last week.

Senator Con Public (R-NV), the corporation that operates a regional utility power grid in the midwest, became a senator when the laws allowed corporations to be considered individuals. The change meant that corporations could run for office.

Slick Fleece, the corporate attorney representing, Senator Con Public, proposed the wind turbine law because the corporation worried that the public would be generating too much power on their own and would not need as much from the utility.

“We’re too big to fail,” he said. “So we have the right to take the power the people generate and then charge them for it.”

Senator Sierra (D-Calif), the new senator representing the Sierra Club, argued that people should be paid for the energy they create from the wind turbine use.

However, the new block of senators includes Sen. Hess (R-NJ), Sen. Exxon (R-TX) and Sen. American Express (R-CN). That block threatened other non-corporate senators so the move to help the common people failed.

Roman E. Gal, the attorney for Sen. American Express said that the finance sector had to help out old friends in the energy area because, “they’s just good ole boys.”

When asked if the power of American Express’ handling of money threatened the fair discussion of policy in the senate, E. Gal answered, “this is the free market at work — if people wanted to avoid how we throw money around, they can vote us out.”

Yet Moss Greenfield, the attorney for Sierra pointed out that the senate block of his friends, Senator Save the Children (D-Mass), Senator Johns Hopkins (D-MD) and Senator United Way (D-IL), lack money to explain their positions to the public.

“Every time we start to show our side, those other guys buy ruffians to shout at meetings,” Greenfield said. “The ruffians tried to stop the windmill production by saying that the wind was free for everyone and must be Communistic.”

The public was confused because they could not understand how the wind could be a Communistic ploy. The public was also confused in the recent senatorial elections that allowed the corporations entry into the Senate. One long time Democratic senator from New Jersey was ousted by Sen. Hess when the corporation ran continuous car ads and threatened the public with the fear that gas stations would close if Hess lost the seat.

Other confusion hit when the public couldn’t understand that using American Express cards meant voting for that senate seat. Sen. American Express was even accused by some human senators that restaurants were being used as voting booths for the senator. People were denied meals if they failed to vote.

The dissension in the senate has lead to the formation of a Human Caucus with the call to set up a minority bloc before the voices of the average person become totally drowned out.

“This is getting ridiculous,” said Human Sen. Shaken Mike Boots. “I even heard that one of these corporations is going to run for President — what happens on an overseas visit? Do we have to fund sending the entire corporate office overseas just to meet a head of state?”

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