Laughs Abound

Colorado Stream City —

Tourists Leave Western City Shutdown

Tourists are fleeing the once attractive Rocky Mountain community as they find the city closing its doors before nightfall. Recent Cocoa-Party activists have limited the duty of the government and caused the shutdown at night.

Since the Cocoaists have wanted to improve individual rights, they have clamored for the role of government to be limited to activities that affect most residents.

“The city streets have pot holes the size of valleys,” said a tourist from Chicago. “They stopped repairing the roads because only half the people drive cars.”

“We’re saving the taxpayer lots of money,” said Councilman Penny Pincher. “Why should we have crews of men working and getting lots of benefits to protect their family when we can turn those dollars back to the community?”

Other tourists left when they found all the restaurants closed except for the local McDonalds. The restaurants depended on truck deliveries from out of town. But the truckers refused to enter the area when the traffic lights disappeared. Those lights ran into disrepair when repair crews were let go. Now no one maintains the equipment.

“Our citizens are right happy to have more cash in their pockets,” said Cocoa-Party co-founder Connie Fused. “Why should people pay for things they don’t use?”

Other tourists had to leave town when they needed medical attention and discovered only one hospital was left open. That clinic services only patients with colds. “Why should the tax payer fund the illnesses of others when those illnesses don’t affect him?” said Fused.

Mayor Slip Re Slope explained that the taxpayers only found a third of the people suffered from heart conditions and cancer. The major illness was the common cold. “So we compromised and decided the government would fund the hospital just for the cold — that helps everyone,” he said.

The rise in crime is another reason tourists are flocking to the exits. Gangs of thieves roam the streets after dark, meeting less than a third of the original police force. The city couldn’t pay the salaries, so they had to fire the other two thirds of the force.

“I don’t know if those people are really thieves,” the Mayor said. “They might just be scurrying about looking for food.”

The rise in crime is blamed on a permissive society, according to the Cocoa-Party people. “They don’t have a decent wage because they are lazy,” said Penny Pincher. “Why don’t they become lawyers and doctors so they can earn dollars like decent people?”

Cocoa image courtesy of littledreamerdesigns.com